Will heaven have a strip club?

Comedian Tim Wilson once sang a song that asked if he could "get to Heaven on a technicality."

We've heard many songs saying what an artist wants in Heaven.

"If Heaven ain't a lot like Dixie."  "Cold Beer in Heaven." "How Many Marlboro Miles to Heaven."  Just to name a few.

But the questions that came to my mind today were: Will there be strip clubs in Heaven? If so, will the poles be made of gold? If there are strip clubs there, wouldn't that imply there will be currency, namely dollar bills? But it being Heaven, wouldn't the dollar bill be replaced by the $50 bill as the currency? (Wow, it's like I entered a competition to see how much blasphemy I could fit in a paragraph.)

If there are clubs in Heaven, then some ladies in Texas will have a, ahem, leg up on the rest of us when they get there.


Pole Dancing for Jesus is a way pole dancing studio owner Crystal Deans combined her faith with her former vocation. Deans opens her studio to church-going women the second Sunday of every month. A woman can get in for free with a church bulletin. They then slither around the poles to contemporary Christian music.

Members of the modern day Christian Temperance movement?

Holy Book of Revelation, Batman!

Seriously people, I can't make this stuff up. I have a pretty good imagination, but dang!

This is in no way hot. Nothing to see here.

 “I was actually a dancer for 3 years, probably 7 years ago or so. I did it for awhile, it’s not something I felt very rewarded with, but to each his own and it was just something I decided I didn’t want to do anymore so I decided to take the part that I liked about that and bring it here but it’s so much fitness, I don’t teach women to be strippers,” Deans said to a Houston Fox affiliate reporter.

Check out the full story and, yes fellas, video right here: www.myfoxhouston.com/dpp/news/local/110316-pole-dancing-for-jesus

Short shorts. Scant tank tops. 6-inch strap heels! Sure. It's all good.


 “I mean it does the legs. That’s why we wear the shoes. The shoes are good for the legs and the glutes, but it’s a lot of upper body and a lot of core,” said Deans.

So the dancers ... exercisers ... whatever ... says the workout is good for the glutes.

You know, hitting kittens in the head with a 9-iron improves hand-eye coordination — but that still doesn't make it right.

Remember when listening to heavy metal music and getting drunk was the worst thing a Christian could do to themselves?

I can see it now. Happy Hour for Jesus. Bring in your church directory and get $1 shots.

Allah and Angel Dust. A Buddhists guide to enlightenment through meth. I could do this all night!

I remember a lot from my church upbringing and while I admit I don't go to church as often as I should nowadays, I just can't see how this is cool with Jesus.

Something tells me this sort of thing gives Jesus a migraine.

Oy Vey!