EDITOR'S NOTE: THIS IS A COLUMN THAT ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE WAYNE COUNTY NEWS ON MARCH 8, 2014.
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| This post is Michael Knight approved! |
Technology has
given rise to many things that make our lives easier.
We can cook a full
meal for the entire family in less than 10 minutes in a microwave.
Global positioning satellites help us know where we are in the world.
We can even have a conversation with our phones. It's sort of
ridiculous when you think about it.
But what I want
isn't available – at least not yet.
As a child of the
80s, I was a fan of the popular TV show Knight Rider. If you're not
familiar, Knight Rider starred David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight who
drove around in a futuristic, intelligent, 1982 Pontiac Trans-Am. The
car was named KITT, an acronym for Knight Industries Two Thousand.
Michael and KITT
would travel around fighting crime. KITT was the artificial
intelligence planted in a super car that was bulletproof and featured
turbo-speed and turbo-boost that allowed the car to jump over any
obstacle. KITT could talk and hold a conversation with Michael, or
anyone else for that matter.
It's with this in
mind that I want to officially ask the good people at Apple if they
would modify Siri, the personal assistant that comes on the iPhone,
to sound like KITT.
Here's how I want
it to work. The KITT Siri mod will only answer to KITT. If you call
him Siri, KITT will deliver a snarky answer reminding you that he's
not Siri.
It won't matter
what your name is, KITT will always call you Michael. This keeps with
the spirit of the modification and would make me feel like I'm David
Hasselhoff, circa 1982.
It needs to be
affordable so a poor journalist like myself can afford to buy an
iPhone with the KITT mod.
Then it's time to
hit the road and have fun! I imagine conversations with KITT would go
something like this:
“KITT, find me a
Mexican restaurant. Daddy needs a burrito.”
“There are five
Mexican restaurants in a 15-mile radius of our current location,
Michael. But might I suggest a restaurant with a salad option? Your
doctor wasn't happy with your cholesterol levels at your last
appointment.”
KITT would also be
able to help navigate when the road you were driving on was closed
for any reason.
“KITT, what's
the traffic look like on I-64?”
“There appears
to be construction at mile 12, Michael. May I suggest we take U.S. 60
instead?”
“No way KITT.
When we get to the construction, I'll hit turbo boost and we'll jump
over it!”
“Michael, you
drive a 1976 Chevrolet Monza. You can barely reach 70 on the
speedometer, let alone jump a construction site with a make-believe
feature on this car. You should really take a second to reevaluate,
not only the abilities of your car, but the decisions you've made in
your life up to this point.”
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| The 1976 Chevy Monza. Not a bad car, but not a good car either. |
Now that I've
played it all out in my head, maybe a KITT mod for Siri isn't such a
good thing after all. I get enough snarkiness from my six-year-old
daughter.
